Tuesday, August 26, 2008

More spam, but in a good way.

I rarely look in my gmail Spam folder, so today when I noticed it contained nearly 600 messages, I figured I'd take a peek before dumping them en masse. I was quite surprised to see all of the things Paris Hilton has apparently been up to lately. A selection of subject lines:

Paris Hilton violated by Gypsies
Paris Hilton Loses Vagina - Blames Dr Phil
Paris Hilton tosses dwarf on the street
Paris Hilton's ingrowing toenail was life-threatening
SpongeBob named in Paris Hilton paternity Lawsuit
Paris Hilton To Become Nun
Paris Hilton Sold Her Soul to the Devil, admits it on Larry King
Paris Hilton Lectures on Dickens and Dostoevsky
McCain Chooses Paris Hilton to be Running Mate

In a slightly more serious tone...just what the hell do these spammers hope to gain/sell by sending these messages? I mean, at least I can understand purpose behind the \/1@gR@ spams.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Infinite penis!

As much complaining as I did about spam in my last post, sometimes, they just must be shared.

For example: When a chick's cervix emails me directly to tell me "how big he was". That is a _serious_ endorsement! However, I'm not sure I want to "extend [my] penis infinite inches". That sounds...uncomfortable.

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: cervix
Subject: Did you hear about how big he was ?

Extend your peni5 with infinite inches using the best cure.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Co-opting other people's idols

In this case, they're not my idols. Not by a long shot. But I still think its a pretty weak to name a pair of bikes "Sid and Nancy"; An obvious reference to Sex Pistols bass player* Sid Vicious and his girlfriend Nancy Spungen. Worse yet? Looks at the f*cking pansy-ass bikes to which they chose to attach the names in question (click on the photos for larger images):

Hi, I'm Sid. I like gracile hairless boys.

Hi, I'm Nancy. Me too.

I mean, seriously. If you're gonna name a bike after Sid _fucking_ Vicious, it had better look mean:

Flat black. No gears. No brakes (ok, maybe a coaster, but if you really wanna be hardcore, you fix that bastard). No fucking around. If it's gonna be mass produced, at least make it *not* look mass produced. If we don't put a stop to this now, the next thing you'll see pedaling down the block under the butt of your favorite neighborhood 6 year old little princess will be the Harley Flanagan:

If you're gonna go all namby-pamby on the names, why not just name the bikes "Blink" and "182".

* the term "bass player" is used in its most loose sense here. From what I know if the Pistols, Viscous was a guy who stood* on stage holding a bass, occasionally (perhaps accidentally) hitting the strings.

* the term "stood" might be an exaggeration here as well.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Randomness , now with photos!

I finally bought a SDHC card reader, so I can pull all of the photos off of my phone camera. So here's a quick post of some of the "WTF?" things I've come across of late:

Er, huh?? I love me some creative marketing, but seriously...why not just name it "This Is Your Favorite Ice Cream! Buy It, Fat Boy!". I did. It wasn't. I felt cheated.

Speaking of creative marketing/advertising...how do you leverage all that wasted space on movie theater shitter-room doors? Advertise on it by making it the Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Poo™ Women's Shitter, that's how!

Then there are these poor fucks...er Fouches. I bet they never thought they'd end up spending eternity in a 10'x10' patch of grass in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant. Poor bastards. Sadly, "that's how they do" in *cough* beautiful *cough* Ashburn, Virginia. One of the fastest growing Setpford-esque towns in America, where any 100 sq. ft. of land is fair game for another Mc D's, Starbucks or Home Depot.

And finally, from the cafeteria in the hospital what birthed my latest kid...

Why are the spoons given the highly coveted "Multipurpose" label while the lowly forks and knives are relegated to a miserable single-purpose existence? It's not fair! Not fair I say!

Stay tuned, more foolishness to come. I've got more photos and opinions.