Super B*wl Scofflaws
The CNN/SI story the other day taught us all a few crucial NFL laws regarding television size, the Super Bowl and the legality of watching said "Big Game"[tm] (previously ranted about here). The following people have (foolishly) admitted violating NFL law on Super Bowl Sunday by either (a) having a TV screen larger than allowed by said NFL laws ("no bigger than 55 inches"), or (b) by being involved in a "mass out-of-home viewing" of the Super Bowl.
As we saw when the NFL bravely shut down a church's plan for a "Super Bowl" party...
"NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said the league's long-standing policy is to ban "mass out-of-home viewing" of the Super Bowl. An exception is made for sports bars and other businesses that show televised sports as a part of their everyday operations.
"We have contracts with our (TV) networks to provide free over-the-air television for people at home," Aiello said. "The network economics are based on television ratings and at-home viewing. Out-of-home viewing is not measured by Nielsen."
My expert journalistic sleuthing hath uncovered the following list of offenders (Johnny Law, take note):
US forces serving in Iraq.
Circumstances: [1st Lt. Lea Ann] Fracasso, who is with Task Force 134 and was rooting for Chicago, joined about 80 other troops for a Super Bowl party in a mess hall at Camp Victory
Violation: Gathering violates the "mass out-of-home viewing" law.
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Participants in a Princeton University study. (This violation took place in 2005, so the statute of limitations may have passed. I'll have to have my NFL-Law attorney check the books).
Circumstances: "The 58 fans sitting before the big-screen television were watching the Super Bowl. Psychologist Emily Pronin was watching the fans."
Violation: Gathering violates the "mass out-of-home viewing" law.
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A number of "DC elite" as profiled in a Washington Post article:
Violators: Jon Felts - admitted to a "THEATER ROOM: 92-inch Projector Screen broadcasting the game in FULL HD with 5.1 surround sound package" and also to the fact that he "expects about 30 people".
Violation: Gathering violates the "mass out-of-home viewing" law. Television exceeds the "no bigger than 55 inches" law.
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Violators: Washington Wizards point guard Gilbert Arenas - "said he invited the whole basketball team to watch the Super Bowl". Also..."Arenas owns a 120-inch high-def projection screen, a second 100-plus-inch screen and six more TVs scattered about. All eight will be showing the game".
Violation: Gathering violates the "mass out-of-home viewing" law. Television exceeds the "no bigger than 55 inches" law. Multiple counts on the size violation.
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Violators: Shopping mall magnate Herb Miller - who "owns a slightly smaller main screen than [Gilbert] Arenas, 113 inches".
Violation: Television exceeds the "no bigger than 55 inches" law.
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Violators: Unnamed "Pentagon Staffers" - "We do have televisions down here," said Lt. Col. George Wright, deep inside the U.S. Army Operations Center. Specifically, five screens of up to roughly 60 inches, at least two of which are high-def capable.
About 30 staffers are expected to work today. Would they flip on the game? "It is not unusual on Sundays for at least one of the televisions to have professional football on," Wright said.
Violation: Gathering violates the "mass out-of-home viewing" law. Television exceeds the "no bigger than 55 inches" law.
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Violators: Jim Abdo, the developer who made a name for himself in Washington [DC]'s Logan Circle area - admits to having a "a 61-inch high-def plasma". Mr Abdo goes on to implicate the former Mayor and First Lady of the District of Columbia: "The Abdos generally invite a small crowd over for the game. Last year, then-Mayor Anthony A. Williams and his wife, Diane, came. The Williamses plan to return today.
Violation: Television exceeds the "no bigger than 55 inches" law.
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These scofflaws were discovered using a single source (the Washington Post). I expect with a little bit of good ol' fashion beat-cop work, we'll be able to uncover hundreds, perhaps thousands of violators. I sure hope there's a crimesolvers reward for turning in these dangerous criminals. I want a cut of each for unearthing this crime ring.
For those of you looking to the not-so-distant future, both Sharp and Samsung offer TVs on which NFL viewing is illegal. Samsung offers a 102" plasma set, and Sharp, a 108" LCD. Please keep this in mind when whipping out that Amex card at your local Best Buy.
