Time for the first edition of the rant-o-riffic Movie Review Guide .

One of the nice things that having a 12 year old affords you is the opportunity to see the latest in teen horror movies. Another is that you can bring out copies of the really old, really good horror movies and scare the shit outta your kid.

In the last week, I've had the opportunity to see both "Darkness Falls" and "The Others" in addition to "50 First Dates". I also got to see a movie of my own choosing, too: Farenheit 911. Reviews are thus:

Darkness Falls: Dumb. Not scary. Toothfary-monster-ghost-lady terrorizes moderately cute woman, innocent victim younger brother, and dashing, tortured-soul-save-the-day type leading man. Throw in a number of disposable cast members for the toothfary-monster-ghost-lady to kill off and you have a movie (at least that's what the producers thought).

The Others: Pretty good, actually. A lot better than I epxected. Nicole Kidman, two frail kids, some old creepy people and an oogie haunted house. Had my arm hair standing on end a few times. Cool plot twist too.

50 First Dates: Not horrible. Not being a huge fan of Adam Sandler or Drew Barrymore, I had to force myself to watch this. It's a sugary-sweet romantic comedy, but palatable enough.

Farenheit (how the hell do you spell that anyway?) 911: Incredible. Disturbing. Embarrassing (as an American). Worth all the hype. See it. I'm gonna see it again. Then read the book(s) it's based on. Then un-elect GWBush...again.

My master plan is to introduce my 12 year old to Poltergeist as soon as humanly possible (roughly 2 weeks). That should instill in her the same irrational fear of clowns, swimming pools, bigass trees outside your window, thunderstorms, and slabs of meat left on the kitchen counter that I still endure. You want horror, baby, you need to go old skool.