More spam, but in a good way.

I rarely look in my gmail Spam folder, so today when I noticed it contained nearly 600 messages, I figured I'd take a peek before dumping them en masse. I was quite surprised to see all of the things Paris Hilton has apparently been up to lately. A selection of subject lines:


Paris Hilton violated by Gypsies
Paris Hilton Loses Vagina - Blames Dr Phil
Paris Hilton tosses dwarf on the street
Paris Hilton's ingrowing toenail was life-threatening
SpongeBob named in Paris Hilton paternity Lawsuit
Paris Hilton To Become Nun
Paris Hilton Sold Her Soul to the Devil, admits it on Larry King
Paris Hilton Lectures on Dickens and Dostoevsky
McCain Chooses Paris Hilton to be Running Mate


In a slightly more serious tone...just what the hell do these spammers hope to gain/sell by sending these messages? I mean, at least I can understand purpose behind the \/1@gR@ spams.

Infinite penis!

As much complaining as I did about spam in my last post, sometimes, they just must be shared.

For example: When a chick's cervix emails me directly to tell me "how big he was". That is a _serious_ endorsement! However, I'm not sure I want to "extend [my] penis infinite inches". That sounds...uncomfortable.


----- Forwarded Message ----
From: cervix
Subject: Did you hear about how big he was ?

Extend your peni5 with infinite inches using the best cure.

Co-opting other people's idols

In this case, they're not my idols. Not by a long shot. But I still think its a pretty weak to name a pair of bikes "Sid and Nancy"; An obvious reference to Sex Pistols bass player* Sid Vicious and his girlfriend Nancy Spungen. Worse yet? Looks at the f*cking pansy-ass bikes to which they chose to attach the names in question (click on the photos for larger images):


Hi, I'm Sid. I like gracile hairless boys.

Hi, I'm Nancy. Me too.

I mean, seriously. If you're gonna name a bike after Sid _fucking_ Vicious, it had better look mean:



Flat black. No gears. No brakes (ok, maybe a coaster, but if you really wanna be hardcore, you fix that bastard). No fucking around. If it's gonna be mass produced, at least make it *not* look mass produced. If we don't put a stop to this now, the next thing you'll see pedaling down the block under the butt of your favorite neighborhood 6 year old little princess will be the Harley Flanagan:



If you're gonna go all namby-pamby on the names, why not just name the bikes "Blink" and "182".






* the term "bass player" is used in its most loose sense here. From what I know if the Pistols, Viscous was a guy who stood* on stage holding a bass, occasionally (perhaps accidentally) hitting the strings.


* the term "stood" might be an exaggeration here as well.

Randomness , now with photos!

I finally bought a SDHC card reader, so I can pull all of the photos off of my phone camera. So here's a quick post of some of the "WTF?" things I've come across of late:


Er, huh?? I love me some creative marketing, but seriously...why not just name it "This Is Your Favorite Ice Cream! Buy It, Fat Boy!". I did. It wasn't. I felt cheated.



Speaking of creative marketing/advertising...how do you leverage all that wasted space on movie theater shitter-room doors? Advertise on it by making it the Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Poo™ Women's Shitter, that's how!



Then there are these poor fucks...er Fouches. I bet they never thought they'd end up spending eternity in a 10'x10' patch of grass in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant. Poor bastards. Sadly, "that's how they do" in *cough* beautiful *cough* Ashburn, Virginia. One of the fastest growing Setpford-esque towns in America, where any 100 sq. ft. of land is fair game for another Mc D's, Starbucks or Home Depot.



And finally, from the cafeteria in the hospital what birthed my latest kid...

Why are the spoons given the highly coveted "Multipurpose" label while the lowly forks and knives are relegated to a miserable single-purpose existence? It's not fair! Not fair I say!

Stay tuned, more foolishness to come. I've got more photos and opinions.

And now, for my next trick...

Blog, meet Amy. Amy, this is blog. Amy is new around here...matter of fact, she was just born...oh, about 2.5 days ago, so you guys take it easy on her. She clocked in at 7lbs 5ozs and an astonishingly average 20" long. If you know her dad, you'd know her mom got off easy.

Ok, everybody, all together now...

"Hi Amy"

The thing is dead, long live the king...

Old and busted (really, *really* busted):


New hotness:

Less engine
Less horses
More MPGs
More sunroof
Less years
More redder (=faster!)
More interior space
Less carpety spaces to get smoodged up
More reliable
More XM (maybe)
Less spraypaint
More sleeping space
More warranty
More payments :(

Looking forward...

So here's a post I started back in Febuary. It's been slightly updated to reflect the passage of time.

As I think most readers of my blog know, the wife is pregnant. We're gonna have a kid in July about two days (er, roughly). The last time I had a kid, I was not yet 22 years old, earned about $20k/year by working construction, was living at home with mom, had no health/life insurance and was scared shitless. This time, I'm somewhat better off emotionally, financially, benefitially and relationshipally (I think I made those last two up), and therefore just slightly less terrified. So this time, I plan to have some fun.

Since, oddly enough, we didn't any of this stuff at the baby shower, here are some things I'm left to buy for my new kid myself:

Giant effing microbes!. My kid will be the hit of the germ-caked playground. I'm definitely getting him/her the stuffed Ebola virus. (Remind me to tell you about the time I spoke with Dr. Frederick Murphy about Ebola sometime):



And probably a Rabies too, since it's near and dear to my heart (remind me to tell you that story some time, too):



In addition to all the pinks and blues, my kid's got to have some non-traditional gear. First up is this Iron Maiden "Killers" onesie:



Still trying to find micro-sized Operation Ivy, Bad Religion, Ministry or Thrill Kill Kult t-shirts. If you have a lead on some, leave a comment!

At sleepytime, my kid will be rocking out, nappy style. None of the Barney "I love you, you love me" bullshit I had to live through the first time around. This time, it's all about quality songs. My most recent CD purchase have just arrived: Three flavors of "Rockabye Baby: Lullaby Renditions of..."


Tool


Nine Inch Nails


The Cure

Chill enough to listen to with the baby around, yet grown-up enough not to lead to total psychotic break. The Tool Lullaby disk may be my favorite CD purchase of the last few years. To a kid, it will sound just like any other mellow lullaby type music. To an adult...it's creepy. Really creepy. I'm talking abandoned-run-down-carnival-on-a-gray-winter-day kinda creepy. It's really quite fantastic. Their music really lends itself to creepy-lullabying.

I also picked up the "String Tribute to Tool":



In the pile of bits and bytes that make up my stuff "saved for later purchase" are:

The String Quartet Tribute Nine Inch Nails
The String Quartet Tribute to Tool's Aenima
Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions of Green Day